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The Axe Body Spray of Loving God On Command

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."

We see this quote in Deuteronomy 6:5, Matthew 22:37, Mark 12:30, and Luke 10:27. 

How utterly insane it is for someone to "love" someone on command. Yet not a single Christian sees anything odd about this at all, and instead think people deserve whatever eternal tortures await them for failing to do so. 

If we changed the word "God" in this quote to, say, Government, or Nike, or Kim Jong-il, Joseph Stalin, Jim Jones, Howdy Dowdy, or even oneself, the Christian would immediately and rightly object. But when it is "God," even though such a word is far too abstract to mean anything definitively useful, the Christians seems to think it is even more natural to "love" on command than to sleep, breath, or eat. 

As such, the only thing more fascinating to the atheist than the Christian who thinks people should never "love" anything or anyone on command, except when it is their own specifically "Christian" God who is so commanding, is the lengths those same Christians will go to to deny that the threat of eternal hell has anything whatsoever to do with their decision to follow such a command with all the alacrity of a dog obeying his master's command to fetch a stick.

And perhaps even more curious, is how the Christian will argue so forcefully that they "love" god, not because the same Bible that commands them to do so also assures them of being roasted for all eternity for failing to obey,  but because of their own "free will." 

It is this adamant conviction that they are "loving" God of their "own free will," and not because they were commanded on pain of eternal hell, that convinces them their "love" is what makes them worthy of eternal paradise, ya know, with the God who commanded them all to "love" him, lest He cast them all into the eternal ovens of Auschwitz. 

 And since we are all called to "be like Jesus," and Jesus is in fact God, the next time I am in a bar I will simply tell the first "Christian" woman I encounter that I command her to "love me" with "all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."

If the Bible is to be trusted, I am sure such a "command" will have the very same effect as Axe Body Spray, prompting a stampede of bikini-clad Christian women to run toward me from everywhere. And as they do, looking almost like animals running through the wilderness, I'll just stand there with a satisfied grin on my face - holding my Bible.







  

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