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A Priest for Santa Claus

 A Catholic priest is someone who goes to school for 4 to 8 years to learn how to never accept or admit that there is no such thing as Santa Claus. And by Santa Claus, of course, we mean the priest's completely human, biased, and limited, version of what the word "God" means, and what it does not mean. 

And for their devotion to refusing to ever accept or admit that Santa Claus (i.e. their own version of "God") isn't real, people pay them to live like communists and hold them up as the epitome of intelligence and enlightenment.

 Of course, even while they are obligated to claim Santa Claus is 100% real, and to insist that everyone believe them when they proclaim such an "infallible truth," they are equally obligated to insist that the tooth fairies that everyone else may believe in are not only not real, but that anyone who continues to believe in them deserves no less then to be burned alive for all eternity, suffering without end. Amen.  

 Hence, Catholic priests are just as convinced that their "God" is as real to them as Santa Claus is real to a 4 year old, even as those priest claim they deserve eternal reward from said "God" for also insisting that everyone else's brand of God is as imaginary as Santa Claus and the tooth fairy. 

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