Easter Sunday: Celebrating a Bloodbath 200,000 Years in the Making

While our ancestors have been around for about 6 million years, human beings have been around for about 200,000 years. So, if we accept that the first sin was committed by the first "people" (what the Bible refers to as Adam and his hermaphroditic, sister-girlfriend, Eve), then depending on how you define the word "people," the "original sin" that lead to the murder of Jesus was either 6 million or 200,000 years ago.

Even though God was so disgusted with how that first version of humanoids turned out thereafter, which is why He decided to reboot humanity with a flood,  that act of world wide waterboarding did nothing to wash away the sins of the human race. To do that, we sinful bastards needed to be washed in the blood of Christ as if we were all Carrie White in Stephen King's horror novel, Carrie; and for pretty much the exact same reason.

No doubt countless thousands of Christians, who are appalled to no end by the amount of sex and violence in society today, will dutifully tune in to gush emotively over the goriest God flick ever made  - The Passion of The Christ, by Mel - "my Dad denies the Holocaust" - Gibson.

Ignoring the annoying addition of the word "the" before the word "Christ"-  a word which acts like a speed bump anytime someone wants to reflexively refer to the film in the more common turn of phrase, "The Passion of Christ" -  this film is the kind of shameless propaganda for an ideology of "human perfection" that would've made even Joseph Goebbels green with envy. It's basically a guilt-fest of blood and violence, designed to make the masses drip with their own shame with every lash, and convince Christians they are morally superior in virtually every way, with every nail.

It is also proof that Christianity is the first story in history to prove that two wrongs make a right, with the disobedience of Adam & Even being "forgiven" with the savage murder of our Savior, Jesus Christ. That the most brilliant being imaginable could not devise a plan of forgiveness that did not require that disobedience could only be forgiven through an act of murder makes as much sense as a father who decides to forgive his first son for eating a cookie he was expressly prohibited from having by killing his second son.

And somehow, despite the the fact that such a bloody example seems to have only set a bar that humanity has only ever sought to surpass in violence and cruelty ever since, and all out of a quest to be just like dear old Dad (as they have been commanded), this "plan" represents the height of both human and divine grace, mercy, and ingenuity.

That at least 200,000 years of people all had to wait for this kind of brilliance to play out - since simply "turning the other cheek," as the rest of humanity is commanded to do, would've clearly been too great an effort for a God to have attempted - is of no concern to Christians, who are all just happy that their own miserable souls were lucky enough to be born on this side of the most sublime act of savagery in over 13 billion years!

 As for the rest, they can all go to hell.  






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